Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.
It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
America has not always been kind to its artists and scholars. Somehow the scientists always seem to get the penthouse while the arts and humanities get the basement.
The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.
My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get except the blinding headaches.
I don't like the fact that doctors are referred to as practicing.
When asked to contribute ten dollars to a lawyer's funeral I said: "Here's fifty. Bury five of them."
Vice president: That's the title given to a corporate manager instead of a raise.
I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead Spenser is dead so is Milton so is Shakespeare and I'm not feeling so...
Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.
Ask a writer what he thinks about critics and the answer you get is similar to what you get when you ask a lamppost how he feels about dogs.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is very important.
Professional life is like a fire hydrant. You spend all of your time putting out fires and standing your ground against the big dogs.
Downsizing means you're about to become the guest of honor at a going-away party.
Before I started working here I drank smoked and used bad language. Thanks to this job I now have good reason.
I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.
I left journalism because I met too many interesting people at an uninteresting salary.
Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get the job.