Top Joke Quotes

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

Joke Definition

(n.) Something said for the sake of exciting a laugh; something witty or sportive (commonly indicating more of hilarity or humor than jest); a jest; a witticism; as, to crack good-natured jokes.

(n.) Something not said seriously, or not actually meant; something done in sport.

(v. t.) To make merry with; to make jokes upon; to rally; to banter; as, to joke a comrade.

(v. i.) To do something for sport, or as a joke; to be merry in words or actions; to jest.

Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).

I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to read. It was something in the way he talked that made it difficult to tell whether he was kidding or...

Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.

Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.

I myself am convinced that the theory of evolution, especially to the extent to which it has been applied, will be one of the greatest jokes in the history books of the future. Posterity will marvel t...

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.

Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.

I'll never miss a chance to remind you of what a brat you were. A gloriously beautiful and very spoiled brat. I was utterly charmed by your complete self-absorption. It was rather like courting a cat.

What happened when the Verb asked the noun to conjugate? She said "no-no!", forgot the "o" and decided to become a nun!

We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least li...

Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.

More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.

You should find something better to do with your time, Mandy told him. I spend my time shooting people, and then I take them to darkrooms and blow them up.…Come again? Alecto questioned with a tone of...

Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.

People take life as a gift even as a joke. But both cases it's not a gift - how everything is gave, the same moment it can be taken. One moment it's needed to do this and one moment you have. Still th...

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.