Top Joke Quotes

Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Joke Definition

(n.) Something said for the sake of exciting a laugh; something witty or sportive (commonly indicating more of hilarity or humor than jest); a jest; a witticism; as, to crack good-natured jokes.

(n.) Something not said seriously, or not actually meant; something done in sport.

(v. t.) To make merry with; to make jokes upon; to rally; to banter; as, to joke a comrade.

(v. i.) To do something for sport, or as a joke; to be merry in words or actions; to jest.

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

One can never have enough socks, said Dumbledore. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.

Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.

Richard Feynman was fond of giving the following advice on how to be a genius. You have to keep a dozen of your favorite problems constantly present in your mind, although by and large they will lay i...

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twi...

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare.

Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.

The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their par...

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.