He loves to eat - he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin.
There is something silly about a man who wears a white suit all the time, especially in New York." (on Tom Wolfe)
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
His voice is to entertainment what the kazoo is to classical music.
Natalya: It was our favorite sister of NASA who guilt me into putting my tits on line to rescuing you helpless ornaments.
Cheap? If he was at the Last Supper he would have asked for separate checks!
I can't believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm you were the quickest.
I just thought you might like to know that I passed a kennel on the way to the game and your mother is all right.
The only way she could get a standing ovation would be if she sang "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Why does our host always have tears in his eyes after sex? Due to the pepper spray.
Nobody can be more clownish, more clumsy and sententiously in bad taste than Herman Melville.
Kerouac lacks discipline, intelligence, honesty and a sense of the novel. His rhythms are erratic, his sense of character is nil, and he is as pretentious as a rich whore, sentimental as a lollypop.
Christ, I walk through an inferno unscatched, then singe my ass on the flight back.[...]You guys are the ... the heart and brain of the Great Machine.Yeah? Then you're the inflamed anus.You're not the...
If he can remember so many jokes With all the details that mold them Why can't he recall with equal skill All the times he told them!
He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."(on Ernest Hemingway
A hack writer who would not have been considered fourth rate in Europe."(on Mark Twain)
Some people can carry a tune but they seem to stagger under the load.
An idiot child screaming in a hospital." (on George Bernard Shaw)
The bottom line is, insults only hurt when they come from someone I respect.
Goddamn fatherfucking asshole politician moral paraplegic dipshit drag-queen bitch!