“ Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present. Joan Rivers
“ A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. Joan Rivers
“ Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you. Joan Rivers
“ Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're… Joan Rivers
“ I hate Billings Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point. Joan Rivers
“ I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' Joan Rivers
“ Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. Joan Rivers
“ Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. Joan Rivers
“ She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven. Joan Rivers
“ I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. Joan Rivers
