A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that hears it never in the tongue Of him that makes it.
I get my share of mud flung my way, but the secret is to dance in the rain and the mud will wash away.
Liers cannot be lied to because they know everything can be a lie.
It's hard to sleep when you have thirty two million quids worth of stolen jewellery hidden under the mattress.
Spike: Bloody hell, woman, you're cutting off my circulation!Buffy: You don't have any circulation.Spike: Well, it pinches
An avalanche is just a snowflake that got pissed off.
I also know a Were-Pomeranian named Phoebe Fluffenstuff that will gut someone with her samurai sword as casually as you would slice a pie
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. I just need to know that someone out there listens and...
I'm pretty sure my parents arepretending they are sick.I know because I taught them bothto do that little trick. You blow your nose and hold your headand claim your brain is breaking.And so, a pro lik...
With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.
Thought about being a stand up comedienne for zombies, but when they eat you alive, they really eat you!!
She scarcely spoke at all and might have been one of those huge dolls which, when inclined backwards, say "Ma-ma" or "Pa-pa": though impossible to imagine in any position so undignified as that requir...
Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord?Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!
I am on the divorce detox diet. I only eat younger men
I like you but you mightn't feel the same way about me, and I wouldn't blame you. To save us both from any awkward moments I've figured out an easy way to do this. Nod if you're even slightly interest...
We are getting older fatter and balder. Each day brings us one step closer to death. Other than that, life's a ding-a-derry.
Too BusyI've folded all my laundryand put it in the drawer.I've changed my linen, made my bed,and swept my bedroom floor. I've emptied out the garbageand fixed tomorrow's lunch.I've baked some cookies...
People have many cruel expectations from writers. People expect novelists to live on a hill with three kids and a spouse, people expect children's story writers to never have sex, and people expect al...
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.