What's happened is somewhere, along the line, as a society, we confused the notion of 'home' with the possibility of 'an investment opportunity'. What kind of creature wants to live in an 'investment...
No," he said, "look, it's very, very simple ... all I want ... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen." And he sat. He told the Nutri-Matic about India, he told it ab...
People are good because they are good in hiding their bad.
Must be frustrating being a scientist. There you are, incrementally discovering how the universe works via a series of complex tests and experiments, for the benefit of all mankind - and what thanks d...
Staring at my smoldering hot date, her husband stands tall for the first time in a decade, adjusting his toupee while flashing a horrid green toothy grin that looks more like a Steven Hawkins muscle s...
Sometimes the body gets out of bed an hour before the brain.
Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you wo...
War is a game that is played with a smile. If you can't smile, grin. If you can't grin, keep out of the way till you can.
On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.
So off had gone John to the wars again. But he had not remained for long in the position of a humble volunteer. Colonel Clifton, commanding the 1st Regiment of Dragoons, no sooner heard that Crazy Jac...
I don't ask you - fribble!' snapped his lordship, rounding on him, with the speed of a whiplash. 'You may keep your tongue between your teeth!'Yes, sir - happy to!' uttered Claud, dismayed. 'No wish t...
As I stepped onto the gloomy landing a word formed in my mind: two syllables, starts with a V and rhymes with dire. I froze in place. Nightingale said that everything was true, after a fashion, and th...
Humour is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention. But it has no persuasive value at all.
Humour is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite.
There are things of deadly earnest that can only be safely mentioned under cover of a joke.
They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive pimpernel.
I am the sum of my past experience.Some people have got a lot to answer for.
Nefarious purposes translation: For disgusting demon sex and the birth of the Devil incarnate. Nice.
I'm on a roller coaster which only goes up my friend