Top Humour Quotes

Shiny, let's be bad guys!

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.

Oh, come on Em." He stopped walking and looked me in the eyes. His own were dark and shiny. "You know how I feel about you," he muttered."I do?"He stepped closer and whispered, "When you're around, mu...

Oh, measure it all out! Acceptable levels of misery and suffering!' The cane swung down, thumped hard on the ground. 'Acceptable? Who the fuck says any level is acceptable? What sort of mind thinks th...

Dear Rocky,Here I am taking my pencil in my hand to say hello, hoping you are in the best of health, both physically and mentally. As for me, I am fine thanks to Almighty God.The weather in the valley...

Colourful lips are pretty, child but they also speak colourful lies.

The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.

(When told that he is a drunk) My dear, you are ugly; but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Modern-Day Parenting is no joke. For starters, no one takes you seriously unless you have a fancy parenting style. Tiger Mom, Helicopter Mom, Organic Mom and on and on. I've decided to go with L-Board...

Percy looked at his friends. "I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt.""Combat time?" Piper grabbed her horn of plenty."I hate wonder bread," Jason said.Together, they charged.

A comedian is a fellow who finds other comedians too humorous to mention.

The great humorist forgets himself in his delighted contemplation of other people.

Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It makes people think you're dead.

Excuse me, your attention please. He waited until the whole floor had stopped what it was doing and turned to face him. For a split second his impulse control kicked in, but by then his mouth was full...

I don’t reckon it’s allowed, going round setting fire to people, said Adam. Otherwise people’d be doin’ it all the time.It’s all right if you’re religious, said Brian reassuringly. And it stops the wi...

I mean, it's a good job we've got a last desperate million-to-one chance to rely on, or we'd really be in trouble!

Just leave me alone, I want to be alone, she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was a fairly pointless exercise.

Now according to German logic, a declaration of war was found to be unnecessary because of imaginary bombings

She looked utterly betrayed, as betrayed as the most betrayed person in Shakespeare.

Mates, to my sisters and me, are seen mainly as shadows of the people they’re involved with. They move. They’re visible in direct sunlight. But because they don’t have access to our emotional buttons—...