“ I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't think he's funny in either the way that Reagan was funny - or John McCain and Dick Cheney are both fu… Mo Rocca
“ You watch pro ball and those guys spend so much time with their hands on each other's rear ends, you'd think they were feeling for diamonds or something. Catherine Gilbert Murdock
“ You know Quinn? Macaulay asked me.Ten minutes ago I was putting him to bed.Macaulay grinned. I hope you keep his acquaintance like that - socialMeaning what?Macaulay's grin became rueful. He used to b… Dashiell Hammett
“ If you turn into a hideous monster and I am sent to slay you, I will remember this and make it as painless as I can, out of respect for you. Jim Butcher
“ I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.You look fine. The wet look works for you.I scowled. Now I know you're lying. Jennifer L. Armentrout
“ Here, Myrnin said, his voice still gentle and low. Amelie said you had to work. No one said you had to work alone. He picked up the next part and slotted it in, took the screwdriver from Claire's numb… Rachel Caine
“ Come here, cat. You wouldn’t want to destroy the space-time continuum, would you? Meow. Meow. Connie Willis
“ Every now and then, when I think about it, I think, 'What would I even talk about onstage?' It's never been, 'I wonder if I'm funny. I wonder if I can come up with jokes.' It's more, 'What would it be… Eddie Murphy
“ I can't stress to you enough how much I can relate to teens being cyberbullied. Something that helps me is looking at old videos of me and my friends from middle school, or videos of my family. I love… Ariana Grande
“ Twitter is the place where I try to be more funny. And then I use Instagram just as my diary. I pull some jokes on there, but I think people have a better sense of humor on Twitter. Gigi Hadid
“ I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone and lands in Australia. Judith Viorst
“ I got my heart checked, report says it's perfectly normal, there is no trace of love in it Rushabh Patel
“ Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk. Matthew Heines
