Top Funny Quotes

Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.

The adults said the only good food was the bacon, but the kids knew better. They had never had a more fun breakfast in their lives. Although they had to agree the bacon was very good. Then again, it w...

Funny Definition

(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.

(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.

An extreme fearfulness moves through all your body, and your mind is troubled more.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Orion nodded, then asked, Dwarf cheese?Cheese made by dwarfs.Oh, said Orion, relieved. They make it. It’s not actually . . .No. What a horrible thought.Exactly.

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

Was it my fault that I got out of hand?--Loki

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Often we have to remind our minds that the job of asshole is already taken.

Our problems started in Dallas, when the fire-breathing sheep destroyed the King Tut exhibit.

If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riot...

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful.

...seeing the way his trousers clung to those most English parts.

I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.

Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the pers...

I love Pizza thicker, when the crust is thinner!

The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.

It was an emergency! Seth blurted. Read my lips - emergency reading - not some demented idea of fun. If I was starving, I would eat asparagus. If somebody held a gun to my head, I would watch a soap o...