“ Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. Dennis Miller
“ And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow Dennis Miller
“ Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. Dennis Miller
“ I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life… Dennis Miller
“ Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on. Dennis Miller
“ Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? Dennis Miller
“ You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. Dennis Miller
“ I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. Dennis Miller
“ I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. Dennis Miller
“ I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. Dennis Miller
“ And you know, while I’m at it, I don’t care what arcane passage you pull out of the Old Testament and run through your Jeremiah-begat-Jedediah Decoder Ring, one of the definitive tenets of Christianit… Dennis Miller
“ Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It… Dennis Miller
“ The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. Dennis Miller
“ What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw… Dennis Miller
