Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.
They say the crazies come out at night. I say the crazies come out during election year: Elections have the power to turn once seemingly normal people into certified loonies.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Women" Any culture that has supported the education, rights and sanctity of women has dominated those cultures who have not. As Lycurgus the Spartan lawgiver once said, "Strong wo...
Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.
Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.
The fact that we're all different is the one thing we all have in common.
Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams" This guy gets around more than Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys, but this time, I think he's gone too far. Unfortunately, I can't put a cover of my book My Year in...
Humans, left to own misguided devices, scratches the Divine in the self as one would the lice, but remember to lick well all the vices.
Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.
Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.
Bitches act, loyal react
Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.
April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.
You're sad? I'll cheer you up. You're upset? I'd love to listen. All you have to do is come to me, you know I'll be there for you.
MY FRIEND: SO DO YOU TAKE A FOREIGN LANGUAGE CLASS?ME: SURE DO HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST 13 YEARS.MY FRIEND: COOL WHAT LANGUAGE?ME: MATH.
i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol
I don't know. I don't really like old movies. The acting is so, 'Hey buddy, ol' pal. Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding
Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?
When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.