God made me on a morning when he had nothing else to do.
Her face was her chaperone.
Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.
Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.
The net of the sleeper catches fish.
I have admired W.C. Fields since the day he advanced upon Baby LeRoy with an ice pick. Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves.
Bland as a Jesuit sober as a hymn.
Tis better than riches To scratch when it itches.
A dimple in the chin a devil within.
Epitaph to a waiter: By and by God caught his eye.
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
Oats n.s. A grain which in England is generally given to horses but in Scotland supports the people.
Flint must be an extremely wealthy town I see that each of you bought two or three seats.
Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.
Every path has its puddle.
When people don't want to come nothing will stop them.
Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband.
'Are you lost daddy?' I asked tenderly. 'Shut up ' he explained.