A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Housework can kill you if done right.
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.