The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
Apparently he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine if you get my drift.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds i...
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.
Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism.
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.