The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the oce...
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds i...
We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
You're only young once but you can always be immature.
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
