I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.
Most experts suggest that one should open with a joke. Obviously they've never heard me tell a joke.
A speech that's full of sparkling wit will keep its hearer grinning provided its end is close to its beginning.
We noticed a crasher at the bar - that shows what a real man he is - he's here to show he's not ticked for not being asked.
Once you get people laughing they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
I was chosen to speak today based on my senility.
Response to clapping: "Thank you for ovating."
Buffet: A French word that means "get up and get it yourself."
speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. voice in back: Begin at the ninth.
I do not stand on protocol. If you just call me Excellency it will be okay.
Thank you for the privilege of speaking to you in this magnificent auditorium. You know the meaning of the word auditorium don't you? It is derived from two Latin words audio "to hear " and taurus...
Thanks for the nice introduction. Next to my resume that's the closest I'll ever come to perfection.
As Spinoza or someone very much like him once said . . .
The recipe for a good speech includes some shortening.
If any of you are related to our main guest let me know so I can speak slowly.
A bore is a man who spends so much time talking about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
A good speech like a woman's skirt should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. I have been asked to give my address in the remaining five minutes. That I can do!...
After such an introduction I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.
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