A bore is a man who spends so much time talking about himself that you can't talk about yourself.
I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm talent and wit. Unfortunately he couldn't be here tonight so instead . . .
After such an introduction I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.
speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. voice in back: Begin at the ninth.
Some people might say that I think too highly of you just because I worship the water you walk on.
A good speech like a woman's skirt should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. I have been asked to give my address in the remaining five minutes. That I can do!...
I was told to be accurate be brief and then be seated. ... So I promise I shall be brief as possible - no matter how long it takes me.
As my mother used to say: "Mimic a duck act calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like crazy underneath."
I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it.
We were worried that our main speaker wouldn't be able to make it tonight. But fortunately due to a hole in the prosecution's case . . .
As one skeleton said to the other - if I had any guts I'd get the heck out of here.
My job is to talk to you and your job is to listen. If you finish first please let me know.
I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting.
When I told her we were going to roast her she said "Of course . . . they only crucify the innocent."
When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied "There's a first time for everything so try to be funny and brief."