Laughter is an instant vacation.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door
Sex at eighty-four is terrific especially the one in the winter.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last mu...
I'd like to tell you some jokes now but you'd only laugh.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.