Top Humour Quotes

Surely you have considered terrorist activity?

As for Phileas Fogg, it seemed just as if the typhoon were a part of his programme

Aye, it could', Ian added. 'It's many a time when I've walked alone on the misty moors of Scotland, the fog creeping in, the waves pounding against the shore, and then the lone, eerie call of a dead c...

During the next week, everyone noticed that my appetite had improved, even Toddy. Are you done with your hunger strike? he asked me curiously, one morning. Toddy, eat your breakfast. But I thought tha...

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.

FEE, FI-- Magnus begins. Oh wait, I already said that, he adds.

Ferdy choked.It took a great deal of back-slapping to restore him, and when he was at last able to catch his breath again, his eyes were watering and his countenance was alarmingly flushed.'Well, what...

Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace...

If I don't keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute,' I say, wildly.'Maybe you could work in Argos a prostitute,' my mother says, merrily. She app...

If you still persist in writing, Good food at it's best, you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.

Is this what you do with your spare time? he asked me, ignoring his sister.What—are you deciding to talk to me now? Smiling tightly, I grabbed a handful of mulch and dumped it. Rinse and repeat. Yeah,...

Joel Cairo: You always have a very smooth explanation ready.Sam Spade: What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?

Just think, she said to herself. I could be living on the Right Bank. I could be married to a senior clerk at the Treasury. I could be sitting with my feet up, embroidering a linen handkerchief with a...

Luis is right there. I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn’t as much of a...

Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.

Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ Oh, please.Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. I don’t think so.Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ I’m out of here.

The executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut of something's head unless there was a trunk to sever it from. He'd never done anything like that in his time of life, and wasn't going to start no...

The the glow become brighter: a holographic golden sickle with a few sheaves of wheat, rotating just above Meg McCaffrey.A boy in the crowd gasped. 'She's a communist!'A girl who'd been sitting at Cab...

The waiter approached.'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?''Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur.'Huh?' said Trillian.'That’s cool,' said Zaphod. '...

There are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You'll see them all when you study the plans carefully. For example, there's a trick that nearly every writer uses, of inserting at least one l...