- "Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chick...
I feel fresh.
Exceed expectations" is such a lispy term. I hope that it never infiltrates the bedroom or sport.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.Fart and you're on your own.
Giving up drinking for life is easy.I've done it loads of times.
Like all shrinks she was a deeply troubled person.From "Fat Jimmy And The Blind Ballerina" due out early 2017.
Lucas took a tentative sip of his coffee. It tasted like an otter had pissed in a tea urn and it had been left to go stale over a prolonged period.
It ought to be an offense to be excruciating and unfunny in circumstances where your audience is almost morally obliged to enthuse.
Network administrators all share an abiding and passionate desire for one thing: We want our users to shut up.
Am I gay, am I straight? No, I'm just slutty. So, where's my parade? What about slut pride.
I'd like to think...that people in pubs would talk about my poems
An Ass put on a Lion's skin and wentAbout the foreset with much merriment,Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks,Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the m...
Sometimes I think about dying. And then I wonder about going to hell. And then I think that if and when I go there, the place will be completely organized and run by lost souls, with a council and a w...
Rockabye Baby, in the treetopDont you know a treetopis no safe place to rock?And who put you up there,and your cradle too?Baby,I think someone down herehas got it in for you!
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail...
If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.