I had never before been a special fan of that great comedian Phyllis Diller, but she utterly won my heart this week by sending me an envelope that, when opened, contained a torn-off square of brown-ba...
People have many cruel expectations from writers. People expect novelists to live on a hill with three kids and a spouse, people expect children's story writers to never have sex, and people expect al...
I'm talking to a journalist and I really have nothing to say anymore, this is already uncomfortable. I feel the pain coming already. The brutal pain, when one day I should read your edit of whatever I...
Like all shrinks she was a deeply troubled person.From "Fat Jimmy And The Blind Ballerina" due out early 2017.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.Fart and you're on your own.
What can I say? I'm Irish, I love a good potato.
No". Tyrion's voice was hoarse. "Sansa is no longer yours to torment. Understand that, monster." Joffrey sneered. "You're the monster, Uncle" "Am I?" Tyrion cocked his head. "Perhaps you should speak...
Stop worrying about life, no one survived it.
A life is like a book of many chapters and topics. Which Chapter are is your life?
Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts
Before I was ordained, when I was working for the council, I thought of the first three months of the year as January, February, March. Now I think of them as Epiphany, Candlemas and Ash Wednesday.
So Beckendorf was pretty popular?" Leo asked. "I mean-before he blew up?
Mirthfulness is in the mind and you cannot get it out. It is just as good in its place as conscience or veneration.
Arguing whether or not God exists is like fleas arguing whether or not the dog exists. Arguing over the correct name of God is like fleas arguing over the name of the dog. And arguing over whose notio...
Henry, you mustn’t mind. It is really a kindness to have him.’ ‘Well, I do mind, Emily,’ said Mr Leslie, getting up. ‘Kindness is one thing and your family is another. You treat this house as if it we...
Horses are calmer people. They also don't throw things at cats.
I can just imagine what the humidity has done to my hair. I'm going to meet your family looking like a poodle with a live wire shoved up its butt. - Paige Winterbourne
If you were going to be successful in the world of crime, you needed a reputation for honesty.
It’s like George always says: being in a rock ʼn’ roll band is very sexy, even when you’re only the keyboard player and your idea of the perfect Saturday night actually amounts to a bubble bath, a Ric...
Peabody pursed her lips. You're really mean today. Yes. Yes, I am. Eve took a deep gulp of hideous air, and smiled. I feel good about that.
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