Give me a fucking pre-med you fuckers, I'm a personal friend of Sir Lancelot Spratt.
Novelist Peter de Vries like Adlai Stevenson and Mark Twain has suffered from the American assumption that anyone with a sense of humour is not to be taken seriously.
Mirthfulness is in the mind and you cannot get it out. It is just as good in its place as conscience or veneration.
Formerly these harsh cells in which the discipline of the prison leaves the condemned to himself were composed of four stone walls, a ceiling of stone, a pavement of tiles, a camp bed, a grated air-ho...
being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way.
Any advice for how to be a successful author?""Yes. Don't be a woman. And be dead. And do both at the same time, if you can.
I am a perfectionist in spirit
Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.
Comedy is hard work. People expect you to be funny 24/7. So if you're not constantly cracking up your friends, it can hurt you professionally. They may not read your book or come to your show. 'She's...
What can you do for love?Can you leave a person for love?Can you leave a country for love?I think I wouldn't even leave my couch for love
The man up there raged aloud in two languages, and with a sincerity in his fury that almost convinced me I had, in some way, sinned against the harmony of the universe
Our family car was the antithesis of designs and desirability. It was like driving Hitler's moustache.
Go forth my sex beast...to his virginity
Stone me, what a life!
I'm talking to a journalist and I really have nothing to say anymore, this is already uncomfortable. I feel the pain coming already. The brutal pain, when one day I should read your edit of whatever I...
I don't believe in ghosts but they blindly believe in me
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that's out always looks the best
People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it's impossible to count them accurately.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.