Top Humor Quotes

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

And what about us? Do you want a vampire boyfriend? He laughed bitterly. Because I forsee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin piña colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin.

Humor Definition

(n.) Moisture, especially, the moisture or fluid of animal bodies, as the chyle, lymph, etc.; as, the humors of the eye, etc.

(n.) A vitiated or morbid animal fluid, such as often causes an eruption on the skin.

(n.) State of mind, whether habitual or temporary (as formerly supposed to depend on the character or combination of the fluids of the body); disposition; temper; mood; as, good humor; ill humor.

(n.) Changing and uncertain states of mind; caprices; freaks; vagaries; whims.

(n.) That quality of the imagination which gives to ideas an incongruous or fantastic turn, and tends to excite laughter or mirth by ludicrous images or representations; a playful fancy; facetiousness.

(v. t.) To comply with the humor of; to adjust matters so as suit the peculiarities, caprices, or exigencies of; to adapt one's self to; to indulge by skillful adaptation; as, to humor the mind.

(v. t.) To help on by indulgence or compliant treatment; to soothe; to gratify; to please.

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

I'm sorry, he says.What? Why?You're fixing everything I set down. He nods at my hands, which are readjusting the elephant. It wasn't polite of me to come in and start touching your things.Oh, it's oka...

He leaned forward to inspect her closer. Is that all hair?... Sudden, overwhelming panic clawed up Cress's throat. With a squeak, she ducked out of view of the camera and scrambled beneath the desk. H...

Good find, Ethan said. Yeah, Jeff agreed. It’s pretty awesome. Like finding the Higgs boson. Silence. Aw, no physics fans here? Learn things you must, Jeff said in his best Yoda voice. I rolled my eye...

You love it right? Lassiter asked, holding his Bible high. I mean, you told me to go on the internet. I did. I even printed out my diploma or whatever the hell it's called. Opening the cover of the Ki...

New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word liberal, they also have to take back the word elite. By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the elite media, and the liberal elite....

After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.

Was it my fault that I got out of hand?--Loki

Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

In a crooked mind even the right thing gets crooked.

Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.

I was once reproved by a minister who was driving a poor beast to some meeting-house horse-sheds among the hills of New Hampshire, because I was bending my steps to a mountain-top on the Sabbath, inst...

Sit your ass down, Don Juanabe, Derek said.Don Juanabe? Ascanio pulled out his swords.Don Juan Wannabe, Derek explained. See I shortened it. If you still don't get it, I'll write it down for you after...

I need a hug from you to make me feel better about the fact I need a hug from you.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Guns, she was reminded then, were not for girls. They were for boys. They were invented by boys. They were invented by boys who had never gotten over their disappointment that accompanying their own o...

You kidding? So many preservatives in these things, I'll live forever.

Coming into your powers can be a very confusing time. Perhaps there is a book on the subject. If you like, we can go see Marian."Yeah, right. Choices and Changes. A Modern Girl's Guide to Casting. My...