Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.
I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating s...
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
It's funny recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child.
I tell you, it's funny because the only time I think about HIV is when I have to take my medicine twice a day.
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
One picture is worth 1,000 denials.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
He wears his cockiness like an ironic T-shirt, but it fits him better.
He slowed down a bit more. Gaia, how do you know these things? She shrugged. I'm smart. And modest, too. Modesty is a waste of time, she pronounced. I'll keep that in mind.
Comment, Mademoiselle? Vous appellés cela betrügen? Corriger la fortune, l'enchainer sous ses doits, etre sûr de son fait, das nenn die Deutsch betrügen? betrügen! O, was ist die deutsch Sprak für ein...
But of course these are scientists. Tell them to leave something alone, and all they want to do is poke it with a stick.
Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own ove...
A princess always takes care that her words are honeyed, for she may have to eat them
Mom was so funny and loving to us kids. She was our first audience. When my dad died, I was suddenly alone in the house with her because my two older brothers were away at college. I was the man of th...
I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard.
I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
FART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
I'm OK with being single, but I'm not OK when the time comes where I have to move my furniture around and to change the high ceiling light balls...