Top Funny Quotes

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Government" Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

Funny Definition

(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.

(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.

Kipster is a perfectly valid word, Wendy argued, about to write down her score on the little notepad that had come with the game. Okay, so what does it mean? Mandy wanted to know. Wendy struggled to c...

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

Bernie cursed and swore like a sailor sometimes, even around young children, to the point where he was kicked out of Disney World during a trip to Orlando, Florida one year. To boot, he’d jabbed a sew...

Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.

Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twi...

The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird.

Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most...

Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.I hardly think there’s any chance of that, Amelie said. I doubt you have the capacity.

I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.

[Kagura is doing laundry and tries to wring out Kyou's shirt causing it to rip in two ]Kyo Sohma: Tell me what I think just happened didn't just happen Kagura: My love !Kyo Sohma: My shirt!

It sometimes requires ignorance and arrogance to know something for sure.

Don't plead with anyone if you were not at fault, you'll only look inferior, stupid and funny, bolster your ego by doing the undoing.

Kate stood by the door with her arms crossed.That was an anti-Curran pose. What the hell was the Beast Lord doing here?I padded to the door.First, you didn’t come home. Curran’s voice held zero humor....

Are you two you know? Jacob pointed at us. I didn't get a chance to answer. Cam spun me around and kissed me, right there between the two buildings. It was no friendly peck on the lips. When our tong...

Remember, the village idiot was the spiritual man who built the ark and saved his family. Keep being you and never give up marching to the beat of your own drum!

I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.