Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
If you have time today, so let's show you some strange stone.
You there, you look like a well-rounded lady, oh yes, and I mean well-rounded
I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey
I am a teacher. Pay close attention - this will be on the test. You don't wreck buildings. You don't take children hostage. And you don't threaten people with violence. Okay class dismissed. Looks lik...
The only difference between me and a famous writer is that I do not want to be famous.
That's your solution? Have a cookie?
Normal" is just a setting on your dryer.
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
There have been times when I felt suicidal and I would stop my head from going in that direction of negativity because I thought there'd be something I'd miss that was funny in the future. If there's...
When you are not treated seriously, you develop comically. Its sense of oneself is so fractured and fragile that it's like the picked-on kid who has to become funny.
I remember listening to the radio as a kid and finding that the songs always made me feel more peaceful. Funny, but the more hurtin' the music was, the better it made me feel. I think of that now when...
It's funny, when people talk about the 70s I can tell you the year of every album but when it comes to the later efforts I can't remember the exact years, it's funny isn't it?
So what I do now is to pre-empt that by making the up into a virtue, and telling funny stories about how crap I am before people have a chance to notice it for themselves and think maybe I haven't rea...
The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.
Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to...
Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.
Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.
It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.