My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
Nevermind nomenclatures, boy! What a serendipitous situation this is!
There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.
being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way.
Is there any difference between a happy and a lucky man? A happy is someone who finds an oasis with drinking water in a desert. A lucky man will always find water.
Writing is like knitting. Stitch after stitch, word by word, and before you know it you have a book ... or a jumper!
Kind of a bummer, getting your butt kicked by a dead guy.
Probably more than any concrete vice or failing Amory despised his own personality - he loathed knowing that to-morrow and the thousand days after he would sell pompously at a compliment and sulk at a...
The Occupy Wall Street movement faltered when activists realized that traders were quite busy already.
Pastors are starting to get wily. When people tell my friend, 'I'm not being fed,' he replies, 'I'm prefectly happy to spoon feed my one-year-old. But if I'm still spoon-feeding him when he's five, we...
I believe great things are ahead for each of us. Now we just have to go ahead and create them.
Don't come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death.
- "Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chick...
Well, aint this a kick in the dick!
The risk I took was calculated, but, man, am I bad at math!
If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.