Otis, I said.Shhh, he said. I'm incognito. Call me...Otis.I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay.Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.
Okay, you gotta be nice to him, I say, coaxing the white fur-ball into my hands. I will, Nate says, and I smile over my shoulder. I was actually talking to Mr. Pippi. He's a bit of a butthole.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
In sum, Midlife said, giving the room his best you-the-jury baritone, Our defense will be...? He looked to Matt for the answer/Blame the other guy, Matt said.Which other guy?Yes.Huh?We blame whoever w...
If you want to see something funny, it's a tough hood sticking his tongue out at his big brother.
I'm familiar with the myth, I'm merely surprised that a femalewould be familiar with the classics.You must have a very limited experience with my sex, Alexandrasaid, surprised. My grandfather said mos...
I took a bite of lobster meat with rice. It was quite tasty. 'Arguing the morality of slaughter will send you into a tailspin of self-loathing every time.' 'Unless you're a vegan.' 'Uh-huh. But then y...
Haven't you ever heard of the saying, If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!?' --LinIf you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!' --Ed
Hatsuharu Sohma: [after tripping Kyo] If I hadn't had tripped you, you wouldn't have stopped now would you.[addressing the audience]
Great, Shane said. Look i'd rather not be on janitorial duty. I have allergies to cleaners.
Don't go there Rule Lawe warned him softly. I don't think your horoscope declared today to be a good day to die.
As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as I wriggled down under the soft old s...
An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers.
All right I think we've been down here in the dark long enough. There's a whole other world upstairs. Take my hand, Constant Reader, and I'll be happy to lead you back into the sunshine. I'm happy to...
I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't tr...
I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getti...
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
It's much better to wreak havoc on a show and be a maniac than promote myself. Plugs and anecdotes aren't really in line with my beliefs. Besides, if someone sees me on a morning show and thinks, 'Tha...
Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.
My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.
My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.