“ Jose: Do not drop me senorJeff:i wont drop you,joseJose:then i be jose jalapeno on the floorPeanut:do a little tap dance and we got salsa!Jeff:Thats terrible!Peanut:not with the right chips its notJef… Jeff Dunham
“ I just wrote a book. But don't go and buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished. Lawrence Welk
“ 101 Reason why its its great to be a woman : Since the advent of feminism, we can publicly ogle male bodies and not be called sexist. If a man indulges in this behavior over a picture of naked woman,… Summersdale Publishers
“ Great," Shane said. "Look i'd rather not be on janitorial duty. I have allergies to cleaners.""And to cleaning," Michael said."Look who's talking, Didn't the do one of those Animal Planet documentarie… Rachel Caine
“ I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, 'Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?' I said, 'I wanted this girl and she left me.'And he said,'Well… Woody Allen
“ Max, you're acting like a child, the Voice said. You're above rebelling against your fate just to rebel. You've got a date with destiny. Don't be late."I brushed some hair out of my eyes. Is that a mo… James Patterson
“ The man may be the head of the household. But the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head whichever way she pleases. Nia Vardalos
“ It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. Tommy Cooper
“ The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. Joe Theismann
“ To conquer fear, you must become fear - you must bask in the fear of the BOOK... and men fear most what they cannot see- The Power of the Book is spiritual. Compton Gage
“ That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin
“ I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up. Jennifer Ellison
“ I'm a big fan of certain new acts. I love any genre of music, and I think it's really great to see that there are new artists coming through. It's kinda funny to think that I'm like the old man on cam… Joe Jonas
