Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.
Let's face it some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
I want to thank everybody who made this day necessary.
A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.
A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him.
One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today but you will be a great deal older.
I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.
Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.
I've been here so long . . . when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick yet.
I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.
It is almost impossible to find those who admire us entirely lacking in taste.
Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.
Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.
If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.
A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school everybody hated me.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.