Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.
A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.
A sense of humor is the ability to laugh at your own jokes when your friends tell them.
Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.
Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him.
I want to thank everybody who made this day necessary.
One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today but you will be a great deal older.
I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.
Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.
It is almost impossible to find those who admire us entirely lacking in taste.
I've been here so long . . . when I got here the Dead Sea wasn't even sick yet.
Here's to one of the most beautiful kind thoughtful people I have ever known . . . You are getting more like me every day.
Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.
If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.
I've always been well liked. I was so popular in school everybody hated me.
A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.