“ Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. Ambrose Bierce
“ The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. Ambrose Bierce
“ Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. Ambrose Bierce
“ Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. Ambrose Bierce
“ Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. Ambrose Bierce
“ Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. Ambrose Bierce
“ Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. Ambrose Bierce
“ Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. Ambrose Bierce
“ Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country. Ambrose Bierce
“ Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. Ambrose Bierce
