Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Women and foxes being weak are distinguished by superior tact.
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.