When we can't get away for a vacation we get the same feeling by staying home and tipping every person that smiles.
One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country the American dollar will fall like a stone.
(pl. ) of City
The trouble with all these other countries is they're all being run by foreigners.
This summer one-third of the nation will be ill-housed ill-nourished and ill-clad. Only they call it a vacation.
My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away as long as I'm not enjoying it.
There's a lot of nice things about Denver. I just don't for the life of me know what they are.
The people of Seattle deny they get much rain while the rest of the country thinks of it as America's bladder.
Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death.
The tanned appearance of many New Englanders is not sunburn - it is rust.
L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time.
After years of mocking L.A. for its smog the people of Denver are now coughing out of the other side of their mouths.
There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
It is possible to live in San Francisco for $35 000 a year. Obviously that doesn't include food or lodging.
L.A. bumper sticker: Keep honking - I'm reloading.
Miami bumper sticker: My horn is broken-so watch for my finger.
Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.
I have no respect for gangs today. None. They just drive by and shoot people. At least in the old days like in West Side Story the gangs used to dance with each other.
A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners.
I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect but I still love him.
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