I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Room service? Send up a larger room."]
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.