There's one advantage to being 102. There's no peer pressure.
If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.
I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.
If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny but are immature and tasteless that's only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.
What can you say when your husband says: 'You can't expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older."
I can't tell you his age but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
You know you are getting older when "happy hour" is a nap.
Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?
I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.
Life begins at fifty but so does bad eyesight arthritis and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.
He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.
I was just thinking when I was a young girl I never knew what every young girl was supposed to know. And now I am going to be an old lady I don't know what every old lady is supposed to know.
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
To what do you attribute your advanced age? Well I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I have not died.
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
People who have the most birthdays live the longest.
Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter.
She was born in the year of our Lord only knows. The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women's.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
When she told me her age I believed her - why not? she hasn't changed her story for five years.
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