Will Rogers Quotes

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth...

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.

To make money buy some good stock hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it.

So get a few laughs and do the best you can.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a livi...

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Always drink upstream from the herd.