Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth...
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
If stupidity got us into this, why can't stupidity get us out?
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
So get a few laughs and do the best you can.
To make money buy some good stock hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it.
A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
I never met a man that I didn't like.
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a livi...
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
There is nothing so stupid as an educated man if you get off the thing that he was educated in.