If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
I never met a man that I didn't like.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
This thing of being a hero about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
One revolution is like one cocktail it just gets you organized for the next.
If stupidity got us into this, why can't stupidity get us out?
Always drink upstream from the herd.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.
So get a few laughs and do the best you can.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.