This thing of being a hero about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.
One revolution is like one cocktail it just gets you organized for the next.
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
I'm not a member of any organized party I'm a Democrat.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
Everyone is ignorant only on different subjects.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.
The more you read about politics the more you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than ever were elected between Sunup and Sundown.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.
There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.