T.J. Klune Quotes

I’m sorry. Were you just speaking to me? I apologize most profusely. I was distracted by the size of the sweat stains under your arms. Are you overly warm today? It seems unlikely given the cold, dead...

And I wished I could believe him. I wished with all that I had. And when you're eleven, you're on the cusp between still believing wishing worked if you wanted something hard enough and understanding...

I'm so chill, people think I'm Alaskan.- Gustavo Tiberius

So I said, Goddammit, and hugged it out with the both of them, because feelings.

Dad, I admonished lightly. You can't threaten the King. You'll be pooping in buckets by nightfall.I don't care, he retorted. I'd poop in buckets for the rest of my life if it means your heart was safe...

'Whatever you need to call yourself to help you sleep at night, that's fine. Just as long as you know you're sleeping next to me.'

He hesitates, then says, You don't think Otter... gets offended by what I say? He begins to speak faster. I mean, I don't care who Otter sleeps with. I don't care that he's a fa- gay. I don't care tha...

Gary, why Sam sweating?Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkwardand have feelings in his penis and !Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?Is...

Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like p...

Gary, why Sam sweating?Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkward and have feelings in his penis and !Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?I...

I told myself that once I was done ripping the seagull's head off, I would turn around and give a speech so saccharine that even Eddie wouldn't be able to console them when I was finished. I would des...

If Sam were a tree, you know what kind of tree he’d be?What kind?A pine. Because of all the pining.

'He'll probably end up angling for a threesome. Then I'll have to get my animal name so I can be a part of the group. So Native American of you white boys. I'll probably go for something like Falcon....

Sam never gonna find a boyfriend, Tiggy said. No one gonna take his flower.Don’t talk about my flower!

I didn't want to be covered in rage glitter and rainbows. That was gonna suck balls.

The big kid hasn't said anything yet. 'I do like hearing myself talk,' I say, 'only because I have a lot of neat things to say, but eventually the conversation will run out in, like, four or five year...

We went into the Dark Woods and I almost had to get gay fairy married again and now I feel really bad and Ryan got bad-touched by trees and Fairy King Dimitri was cryptic and annoying and apparently h...

You could have gone dark side, Tanner said.Like full-on Darth Gordo, Chris said.Gordo put his face in his hands. I told you guys, I'm a witch. I'm not a Jedi.Um, excuse me, Rico said. Can you or can y...

It was just me and him, there in that place where tragedy had happened, where I thought my life had ended. But somehow, he made it seem like a home again. Somehow, he gave it back to me.

I’m not a prize to be won, he gasped out. That was so awesome. You go, girl. Get down with your bad self and preach. We don’t need no mens. We are fierce and hear Sam of Wilds roar. He puffed out his...