I rolled my eyes as the elevator door opened. 'I was thinking more along the lines of Tick and Tock. You know they won't--' 'Holy shit, boss! Did you beat him up with your mouth?' Tick exclaimed loudl...
I’m sorry. Were you just speaking to me? I apologize most profusely. I was distracted by the size of the sweat stains under your arms. Are you overly warm today? It seems unlikely given the cold, dead...
'Es cor meum,' he murmured, his eyes dancing over my face. Though I'd never heard the phrase, I responded: 'Ut tu meus.' As you are mine.
So I said, Goddammit, and hugged it out with the both of them, because feelings.
Dad, I admonished lightly. You can't threaten the King. You'll be pooping in buckets by nightfall.I don't care, he retorted. I'd poop in buckets for the rest of my life if it means your heart was safe...
He hesitates, then says, You don't think Otter... gets offended by what I say? He begins to speak faster. I mean, I don't care who Otter sleeps with. I don't care that he's a fa- gay. I don't care tha...
'Whatever you need to call yourself to help you sleep at night, that's fine. Just as long as you know you're sleeping next to me.'
Gary, why Sam sweating?Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkwardand have feelings in his penis and !Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?Is...
Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like p...
Gary, why Sam sweating?Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkward and have feelings in his penis and !Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?I...
I told myself that once I was done ripping the seagull's head off, I would turn around and give a speech so saccharine that even Eddie wouldn't be able to console them when I was finished. I would des...
If Sam were a tree, you know what kind of tree he’d be?What kind?A pine. Because of all the pining.
Sam never gonna find a boyfriend, Tiggy said. No one gonna take his flower.Don’t talk about my flower!
I didn't want to be covered in rage glitter and rainbows. That was gonna suck balls.
'He'll probably end up angling for a threesome. Then I'll have to get my animal name so I can be a part of the group. So Native American of you white boys. I'll probably go for something like Falcon....
The big kid hasn't said anything yet. 'I do like hearing myself talk,' I say, 'only because I have a lot of neat things to say, but eventually the conversation will run out in, like, four or five year...
I had to remind myself it was illegal to murder dragons.
We went into the Dark Woods and I almost had to get gay fairy married again and now I feel really bad and Ryan got bad-touched by trees and Fairy King Dimitri was cryptic and annoying and apparently h...
Sad fags are boring fags.
You could have gone dark side, Tanner said.Like full-on Darth Gordo, Chris said.Gordo put his face in his hands. I told you guys, I'm a witch. I'm not a Jedi.Um, excuse me, Rico said. Can you or can y...