I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's wh...
I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'