People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's wh...
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigge...
I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'...
When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straig...
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me arefurious!
I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. T...
If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.