“ The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller
“ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller
“ Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller
“ My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller
“ Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
“ I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller
“ The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller
“ Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller
