“ The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy. Jerry Seinfeld
“ Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. Jerry Seinfeld
“ A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld
“ You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' Jerry Seinfeld
“ Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. Jerry Seinfeld
“ Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. Jerry Seinfeld
“ Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. Jerry Seinfeld
“ Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. Jerry Seinfeld
