I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Since my little daughter is only half Jewish would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Humor is reason gone mad.
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes' you know he is crooked.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I hav...
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy i...
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.