It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Humor is reason gone mad.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Since my little daughter is only half Jewish would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy i...
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I hav...
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does