One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul,...
There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes' you know he is crooked.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.