On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home.
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
This tiger is sprawledSo still and so flat,A question arisesWhen glancing thereat.Is he asleep? to bePerfectly frank,He looks more as ifHe was creamed by a tank!
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars! - CalvinFlatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting. - Calvin's mom
I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just...
CALVIN: Hey, I got some mail! It's a Valentine card. HOBBES: From Susie Derkins!CALVIN: It says Please be my Valentine. HOBBES: You're Susie's Valentine!CALVIN: I'm not her Valentine just because I go...
It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make b...
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
Nowadays, ads don't just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here's a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflecti...
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Like delicate lace,So the threads intertwine,Oh, gossamer webOf wond'rous design!Such beauty and graceWild nature produces...Ughh, look at the spiderSuck out that bug's juices!
Calvin:It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?Television: ...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.
Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic b...
Mothers are the necessity of invention.
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versio...