The fog was mysterious. The lights were mysterious. The music was A-Tisket, A-Tasket.
Captain Smek himself appeared on television for an official speech to humankind. [...] 'Noble Savages of Earth,' he said. 'Long time we have tried to live together in peace.' (It had been five months....
Can I see some ID? WE DON'T HAVE ID, said Jay, loudly. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug t...
The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much.
We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.''Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.
I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G.Sausages.
When I was a little girl,' I said, sitting down, 'the wallpaper in my room had pictures of Noah's story.' [...]You know what's weird though? It's weird that the ark would be such a kids' story, you kn...
I'm half white, I said, folding my arms.Hrrm. Which half?I blinked. Uh...dunno. Let's just say it's from the waist down. Chief Shouting Bear nodded. Deal. I only hate your legs.
Told you, said Mick. Things comin' together. We set off lookin' for the Utz kids an' find a tree full o' everybody. That's magic, too.It's like a story.Same thing. The universe don't like plot. Story...
Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo.
She had her shoes on now, and a diaper bag slung over one shoulder. In the opposite arm she cradled Andromeda, who was wearing both her Legolas Onesie and her Keebler booties. Which seemed wrong, you...
You know what doesn’t work when people are tasering you? It’s shouting ‘Stop tasering me.’ If they’re tasering you already, they won’t stop because you ask them to.
They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean?
There's a little bit of magic in every box!
Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen.
There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good.
I didn’t feel up to arguing about it, but I was pretty sure if you loved everything you didn’t really love anything.
I've been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda... I should be a video game.
I grabbed a bottle of glass cleaner because it comforted me to hold something in my hand that had a trigger, such as it was. I
I jerked my head at the billboard and asked J.Lo, What is that thing even trying to sell me, anyway? Eh, said J.Lo as he tried to think of how to explain it. Is a kind of strap for people whose eyes a...
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