Captain Smek himself appeared on television for an official speech to humankind. [...] 'Noble Savages of Earth,' he said. 'Long time we have tried to live together in peace.' (It had been five months....
The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much.
Can I see some ID? WE DON'T HAVE ID, said Jay, loudly. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug t...
The fog was mysterious. The lights were mysterious. The music was A-Tisket, A-Tasket.
Sorry I'm late, Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late.
They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean?
We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.''Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.
Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo.
When I was a little girl,' I said, sitting down, 'the wallpaper in my room had pictures of Noah's story.' [...]You know what's weird though? It's weird that the ark would be such a kids' story, you kn...
There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good.
You are singing to the preacher, said J.Lo.Preaching to the choir, I corrected him.Yes. This thing.
I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G.Sausages.
In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I'll turn into a bat to get away from you.Fight or flight.Yes.Only half of...
Sejal had not thought of her home, or of India as a whole, as cool. She was dimly aware, however, of a white Westerner habit of wearing other cultures like T-shirts—the sticker bindis on club kids, si...
Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen.
Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hi...
[J.Lo] found us a police car. Sort of.'It's not a police car,' I said.'It is,' said J.Lo. 'Looknow. Lights for flashing.''That's true.''Writing on the sides.''Yeah, but the writing? It says ''BullShak...
Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.
As far as pets go, a cat is a nice on to have.
What part of Canada are you from, honey?THE LEFT PART, said Jay.
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