Top Jokes Quotes

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

Sooner or later, all talk among foreigners in Pyongyang turns to one imponderable subject. Do the locals really believe what they are told, and do they truly revere Fat Man and Little Boy? I have been...

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twi...

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the best president in the world. We have larger apples and better cotton and faster and more beautiful...

Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their par...

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.