Top Jokes Quotes

Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

Our country is the best country in the world. We are swimming in prosperity and our President is the best president in the world. We have larger apples and better cotton and faster and more beautiful...

Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.

When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.

Sooner or later, all talk among foreigners in Pyongyang turns to one imponderable subject. Do the locals really believe what they are told, and do they truly revere Fat Man and Little Boy? I have been...

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twi...

Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their par...

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.

Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.

What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours.