Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
(superl.) Droll; comical; amusing; laughable.
(n.) A clinkerbuit, narrow boat for sculling.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.
I don't really talk about my personal life. It's a strange and funny and weird thing. Sometimes you have a conversation with someone and the paparazzi snaps a picture of you and people decide you're d...
If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious.
I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.
Literature has drawn a funny perimeter that other art forms haven't.
The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereoty...
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'
What’s the best part of being in Hermes cabin?Connor: You are never lonely. I mean seriously, new kids are always coming in. So you always have someone to talk to.Travis: Or prank.Connor: Or pickpocke...
The only fault he found with her was that she did not sing at her work. Folks should always sing at their work, he insisted. Sounds cheerful-like. Not always, retorted Valancy. Fancy a butcher singing...
Simon! Clary shouted, and seized his arm. What? Simon looked alarmed.I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive...
Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I...
None of my issues have included memory loss or unconscious actions, she said.Thomas squinted back at her. If they had, how would you know it?Molly frowned. Valid point.
No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-...
Jamie spied a Hershey's almond bar still in its wrapper lying in the corner of the landing. He picked it up and tore open one corner. Was it bitten into? asked Claudia. No, Jamie smiled. Want half? Yo...
I watch the Eruptions. Mount Dad, long dormant, now considered armed and dangerous. Mount Saint Mom, oozing lava, spitting flame. Warn the villagers to run into the sea.
I squinted at her. You’re an adult. You’re an adult too. But you’re an older adult. You’ve had more practice. Mom leaned back and laughed.
Holly's forgiven you? Almost mostly. But she still gives me slack about it when she's sick. I take it as a husbandly badge, he said, puffing out his chest. Sick? You told me she was fully immortal. Ye...