I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.
If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.
If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.
Get high on love, not drugs.
Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.
A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.
Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.
Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.
Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend until love introduces her to her soulmate.
The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.
Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.
An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.
If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.
Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.
Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.
If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.
Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.
She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.
The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.
