Woody Allen Quotes

I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.

Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, [Cloquet thought,] while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If you're not failing you're not trying anything.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever.

If only God would give me a clear sign like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I do not believe in an afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.