“ I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California. Paula Poundstone
“ I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. Paula Poundstone
“ My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' Paula Poundstone
“ I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family. Paula Poundstone
“ The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. Paula Poundstone
“ Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats. Paula Poundstone
“ The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer. Paula Poundstone
“ There are those wonderful moments of clarity in life when one is reminded how irreparably flawed we humans are. Once, when I was nineteen, on the subway in Boston I lost my balance slightly and bumped… Paula Poundstone
“ I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe. Paula Poundstone
“ Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up 'cause they're looking for ideas. Paula Poundstone
“ I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled… Paula Poundstone
“ I fall short of her standards. She made me buy cat food that hasn't been tested on animals. My cats took one bite of it, spit it out, and yelled, "Did no one test this? Paula Poundstone
“ It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist… Paula Poundstone
“ Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don't feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good, holding on to happiness is like carrying water in my hands. Paula Poundstone
“ People need each other. Our well-being is tightly tethered to the well-being of people we do not know, most of whom look nothing like ourselves. Happiness, I realized right there in breathing class, r… Paula Poundstone
