AtomicQuote

Mitch Hedberg Quote

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Tags: funny, water, plants, fake

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I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is 'In 15 minutes everybody will be famous.'

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I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is 'In 15 minutes everybody will be famous.'

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I once took a poo in the woods while hunched over like an animal. It was AWESOME.

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I once took a poo in the woods while hunched over like an animal. It was AWESOME.

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Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

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Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

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It was an emergency!" Seth blurted. "Read my lips - emergency reading - not some demented idea of fun. If I was starving, I would eat asparagus. If somebody held a gun to my head, I would watch a soap...

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It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

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It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

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There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

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There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

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Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.

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Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.

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The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only p...

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Even so have I given the womb of the earth to those that be sown in it in their times.

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Even so have I given the womb of the earth to those that be sown in it in their times.

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It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.

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It is still cheating, even if nobody comes.

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 30, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and deadpan delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them.